"Triple Grip" my eye.

Ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight? Well wrestling a rain soaked 3x5 flag (pole included) away from an over grown Crape Myrtle tree, in the middle of an intense thunderstorm, in the dark of night is about equal to that…well, at least as far as I am concerned.

I am tired of fighting this battle but I refuse to give up. A little background for you...my porch posts are made of vinyl. Yes, vinyl is low maintenance and a much cheaper material to use than actual wood. However, nothing, and I do mean nothing, is able to attach and keep attached my American Flag to said porch post. I have tried numerous solutions, the last of which were "Triple Grip" anchor screws. Keep in mind the Home Depot helper who pointed them out to me was quite sure they'd "do the trick." He wore orange and I trusted him. In addition to his very professional apron and the measuring tape hooked to his belt, the screws bore a high rating of strength. Supposedly they can withstand more than 200 lbs. of pressure before giving up the ghost. I eagerly installed them a little more than 24 hours ago. They seemed to be up to the task and last I looked, they were holding strong. That was before tonight.

Summertime thunderstorms are one of my favorite things. But they have become what test my patience and my flag mounting engineering abilities. First big storm that comes along rips the flag off my front porch like a cheap dress off a cheaper prom date. I heard the noise and knew immediately what had happened. I donned my rain slicker (also known as a button up shirt) and headed out into the storm. I found the flag, bracket, screws, and anchors...all intact and still fastened together. The kicker is that none are still fastened to the porch post. The entire ensemble was lying atop my Crape Myrtle tree. If I weren't so darned respectful, I would've left the flag where it lay until morning. But I know better and I am glad I do. So I braved the storm and retrieved my flag. It is now properly stored, out of the storm, until I think of another option.

Sigh. Maybe glue is the next step. Was it Krazy Glue or Super Glue that held an elephant over the Grand Canyon?